Thus Far

Friday, May 12, 2006

I've had multiple requests to post again, so here goes....


I have come face to face with my own insufficienties and fragility more in the past two weeks than probably in my life...or at least in a long, long time. Being independent in nature, its been difficult coping with all that I can't do... like taking the stairs or walking around campus or carrying a dinner plate.

My life has changed so vastly since that day: driving out to the barn, Kiara and I were so full of life, of happiness, of plans; after a two-week push with my thesis, it was finished and we could ride together again and work the other horses that we'd wanted to work all semester, but never had the time to. Yet lying on the sand, everything changed so drastically.

The lone yellow daisy in the vase reminds me of all that I am acutely thankful for: for all the visits, cards and cds in the hospital, for the flowers, for all the time and people spent in prayer, for the breath of life and that I'm not paralized or with brain damage. that even though the path is steep and the road is long right now, it won't always be. For the daily lunch runs people make for me. For supportive parents and medical insurance. For understanding teachers. FOR GOD'S GRACE.

With still no word from Germany, riding might remain a "what might have been" chapter in my life. I'm ok with that, as long as God continues to have a plan for my life.

***

I can't even write finals.

***

And the pain falls like a curtain
On the things I once called certain
And I have to say the words I fear the most
I just don’t know
And the questions without answers
Come and paralyze the dancer
So I stand here on the stage afraid to move
Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must
On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting
God is God and I am man
So I’ll never understand it all
For only God is God
And the sky begins to thunder
And I’m filled with awe and wonder
‘Til the only burning question that remains
Is who am I
Can I form a single mountain
Take the stars in hand and count them
Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me
He is first and last before all that has been
Beyond all that will pass
Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge
How unsearchable for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things
So let us worship before the throne
Of the One who is worthy of worship alone
[Great is the Lord, Holy, Holy, Great is the Lord]
~Steven Curtis Chapman

2 Comments:

  • *hugs*

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:44 PM  

  • You are awesome, and everything is, as you said, going to work out. I love the lyrics that you posted, especially,"God is God and I am not" So true. Hang in there.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:55 PM  

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