I feel small and alone and fearful and my perception of myself is all jumbled up in a blender. I am quite possibly the most open I've been to/about God in a while, but I also ache the most: four days shy of six months since the accident and the pain/longing of not riding still haunts me. Huh-- I wonder if Kris would like a healing buddy...

Looking back over the past couple weeks, I can see the small ways in which people have buttressed themself around me; for that I am thankful. Like Jen-- her raw honesty and hospitality-- CP and all of her wonderfulness; Gina's faithfulness never ceases to bewilder me; Kathleen's courage and prayer support; Scott's understanding; Chris speaking truth directly into my life and the myraid of people who, well, give a rip.

I find myself listening to this song more and more lately....

Hello, good morning, how ya do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new

So this is the way
that I say that I need You
This is the way
This is the way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that You and
You alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

(Switchfoot, Learning to Breath)

and even more to this song...

Not much for conversation

I still find need to pray

Sometimes I get tired of walking

Through these ordinary days

If nothing else I get to see you

Even if we never speak

The harm of words though sometimes

We don't quite know

What they really mean

I don't know where

I don't know how

I don't know

your love can make

These things better

(Jars of Clay, These Ordinary Days)