It's been a long time since I've had a Linkin Park day, but today is definitely one.

I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can't help the fact
That everybody can see these scars I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you
To just believe this is real
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got

I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me I won't be ignored

I am, a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
Cuz you don't understand I do what I can
Sometimes I don't make sense
I am, what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out
So I, let go watching you turn your back like you always do
You face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here cause you're all that I've got

***

The four hardest things for me to say are:
-I hurt
-I need
-I love
-Help me
I'm having to say these a lot recently.

My life right now is riddled with gaping, oozing wounds--the spiritual sort. The damage is deeper than it looks and is seeping into all areas of my life. I have not the strenght to cling on, to fight these battles. Sometimes I just want to hide, to dissapear, to check myself into a mental institution in hopes that I'm just being dellusional, but that's not an option. More and more I wonder if Kathleen isn't on to something, that part of this mess is my pagan/wiccan past coming back to be reckoned with. Oye.

Please pray for me.

In other news, my "Jesus group" (Bible study for people who are unsure about their faith) is going well. :-)