Sometimes... help comes from the strangest of places.

Doin' better.

...devestated...

I'M GRADUATING!!!! so, I'll get to walk AND get my diploma on May 28th!!!!!!!

Free, I long to be free

I long for the day I'll believe

That all you say you see in me is true

That's hard for me to do

It's hard for me to die to myself

Entrust my life to someone else

So come empty me out

I'm no good without You inside of me

Come and fill my heart with hope

Come and fill my life with love

Come and fill my soul with strengh to carry on

Because from here the climb is steep, the road is long

Come and fill my days with dreams

Empty me of all the empty things

That I hold onto

Come and fill my heart with you

I need you in my life

Need you like the air that I breath

You've become the very heart of me

And I, I can't believe my eyes

Can't believe the dream that I've found

Lord, your love has turned my world around

So come fill up my heart

'Till I'm like you are

So deep inside of me

Search me, Lord

Try my heart

Come and take me now and make me new

So that all of the world will see you

Overflow in my life

~Avalon

I've had multiple requests to post again, so here goes....


I have come face to face with my own insufficienties and fragility more in the past two weeks than probably in my life...or at least in a long, long time. Being independent in nature, its been difficult coping with all that I can't do... like taking the stairs or walking around campus or carrying a dinner plate.

My life has changed so vastly since that day: driving out to the barn, Kiara and I were so full of life, of happiness, of plans; after a two-week push with my thesis, it was finished and we could ride together again and work the other horses that we'd wanted to work all semester, but never had the time to. Yet lying on the sand, everything changed so drastically.

The lone yellow daisy in the vase reminds me of all that I am acutely thankful for: for all the visits, cards and cds in the hospital, for the flowers, for all the time and people spent in prayer, for the breath of life and that I'm not paralized or with brain damage. that even though the path is steep and the road is long right now, it won't always be. For the daily lunch runs people make for me. For supportive parents and medical insurance. For understanding teachers. FOR GOD'S GRACE.

With still no word from Germany, riding might remain a "what might have been" chapter in my life. I'm ok with that, as long as God continues to have a plan for my life.

***

I can't even write finals.

***

And the pain falls like a curtain

On the things I once called certain

And I have to say the words I fear the most

I just don’t know

And the questions without answers

Come and paralyze the dancer

So I stand here on the stage afraid to move

Afraid to fall, oh, but fall I must

On this truth that my life has been formed from the dust

God is God and I am not

I can only see a part of the picture He’s painting

God is God and I am man

So I’ll never understand it all

For only God is God

And the sky begins to thunder

And I’m filled with awe and wonder

‘Til the only burning question that remains

Is who am I

Can I form a single mountain

Take the stars in hand and count them

Can I even take a breath without God giving it to me

He is first and last before all that has been

Beyond all that will pass

Oh, how great are the riches of His wisdom and knowledge

How unsearchable for to Him and through Him and from Him are all things

So let us worship before the throne

Of the One who is worthy of worship alone

[Great is the Lord, Holy, Holy, Great is the Lord]

~Steven Curtis Chapman