How quickly I forget the joys of today! I had a wonderful advisor meeting with Lass (and Remmler too, only not so exciting); he is so incredibly supportive of both me and my endevors... now i just have to figure out a german course and a thesis advisor.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good- His love endure FOREVER!

I am so afraid, that I'll find myself alone;
Looking for a savior, looking for a home....

I feel life, and then before I can take my next breath, its gone. So close to what I want, where I want to be, then everything slips through my fingers and I'm back crawling my way up again. I know its not suppose to be like this-- as a Christian its been pretty well drilled into my head that I don't have to work my way up to God, but every time he begins to feel like hes actually there, the chasm only opens up again, and all is lost. What prayers am I not praying, verses am I not mediating on?

I crave stability, a place to call "home." ... and fertile soil to grow roots. I feel like I've been kicked out of the nest for good, and that I've become a stranger in a familiar land; homeless.

I dont know what im doing up at this hour. I signed off of AIM at least an hour ago, and fully intended to go to bed then. But here I am, browsing though the online journals of friends, listing to "You are Good" on repeat. I dont think Im going to make it though the night, much less this semester.

There is a definate lack of private space on this campus, and living in a triple (as wonderful as my roomies are) is no exception. The depression/despair that I have been running from all semester has once again caught up with me. Reading the other journals makes me pine even harder for the missing person and the days when I use to talk (praise) God ceaselessly. But this is not my lot. Why do I not email Robert? I did earlier in the semester, when I first started to get like this. . .

So here I stand in the shadows for all to see; a fragment of the person I was, fallen and far from what I was and where I should be. Im sick and tired of this existance, but it cant seem to be fliped. Instead of delighting in sand castles, I wander aimlessly around stone castles.