"Do you see our Sun, do you see him?"
"I'm afraid. . . I don't dare to look," whispered Alyosha.
"Do not be afraid of him. Awful is his greatness before us, terrible is his loftiness, yet he is boundlessly merciful, he became like us out of love, and he is rejoicing with us, transforming water into wine, that the joy of the guests may not end. He is waiting for new guests, he is ceaselessly calling new guests, now unto ages of ages. See, they are bringing the new wine, the vessels are being brought in. . ."

-from the Brothers Karamazov, pg 361-2

My eyes are moistened by this portrayal of Christ...

I got this *ridiculously* good smelling thing in the mail today. Call it a 'love gift' from a best friend who knows me far too well. Its one of those things that if it weren't for public decency, my nose would be permanently attached to. It smells just that good.

[and if you haven't noticed, smells mean a LOT to me. i kinda freaked out my first year roomies when we were getting to know each other over the phone before college started when i asked them what their favorite scent was. ]

Brings me back to another place, another time.

Reminds me of traveling around eastern Virginia with my parents (was it really 10 years ago?!); of Mount Vernon and Chincoteague, where it grew wild along the roads and the air was laden with it.

More recently, it reminds me of warm summer nights in WA spent talking to Em and Ad on the deck. [Until very recently, we had a huge honeysuckle plant wrapped around the front porch/deck that i'd have to battle every summer with a pair of scissors]. And somehow, it reminds me of the night swims that Em and I would take at her beach house on Harstine...and the night God spoke to me out of the oblivion. Mixed in with that plant and Em was the day Boots chose us...me really, since I was the first to pet him, to pick him up.

Then there's Miari and Ferg and the 2000 show season. Right before the home show, I gave two plants to Kari to plant on the farm. They remained alive the entire time I was at the barn, but met their end in a windstorm since I came out east.

Smelling it, the present becomes the past and the future simultaneously.

Best of all, I can take the present with me to Germany and let it perfume my apartment and my life there. :)

I really should write. Considering that I just came back from dropping off the face of the planet (well, sorta... New Orleans DID come back from the verge of non-existance) and just had perceptions of life challenged in some really big ways, it seems that i should write. But I won't. I will walk over three feet to my comfy bed and sprawl out on it and dig into the Word and Augustine. And then I will sleep for not nearly long enough, but it will be entirly luxerious compared to the controlled corporate sleep I got on cement and linolium floors of the past 10 days.

And then, perhaps I will write.

Hello dearest readers...

Perhaps you can help me out with this. I'm taking a literature course this semester on Dostoevsky's Brothers Karamazov and one of the popular themes that comes up in class is the call of Christians to love. In the novel (if you can really call an 800 page literary monstrosity that) the main character is a monk whose interactions always demonstrate unconditional love; he never chooses to be bitter or resentful or to seek retribution, even when he has every right to. For example, a school boy out of the blue throws stones at him (even hitting him on the head) and bites his finger down to the bone, and the main character never sought to do so much as rebuke the boy for his actions.

The questions that comes up most often in class is "how realistic is this love really for today?" and "is Christ's example and standards of how we should treat our 'neighbor' unobtainable/unrealistic?"

In light of that, I want to pose the following question to you: where have you seen the love of Christ in your life or in the lives of others around you?

Any and all anecdotes/examples from real life are *greatly* appreciated.

*hugs*

ha! my 100th post!

Update on the Roomie: the MIA roomie was found again and is doing well :-)

Given the recent themes of beauty and weakness/strength in my life, this just seemed fitting (it also has been on repeat 1 on my computer for the last week):

I crumble at Your kiss and grace
I'm a weakling in the dust
Teach me how to cling to You
With all my life and all my love

Father come to me, hold me up 'cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is shot, I can't reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing

And on the road to beautiful
My seasons always change
But my life is spent on loving You
To know You in Your power and pain

You're my portion in this life
You're my strength now in my fight
And to You I pledge my heart
In the pain and in the dark I'll love You
I'll love You, I'll love You

~Charlie Hall (On the Road to Beautiful)

Hurray for roomies!

I just had the most awesome weekend with Nadine. It was simply amazing to see her again. We were able to hang out around campus, shoe shop in the Holyoke mall, had a crazy time in NoHo and then veg out watching the gilmore girls. It's so cool to see how she has changed and grown, and yet it was like nothing had changed. She's a fabulous roomie-- I'm soooo blessed to have had such great roommates.

I wish I knew how Marija was doing (my other fabulous roomie). I haven't talked to her in awhile, so I can only trust that she's doing well and that the Lord is keeping her close...

The highlight of my day was definitely sharing *two* meals with a dear friend. :-) The best part about it was just being able to enjoy her for who she is and who she is becoming. Regretably, in between the stress of midterms and life and such throughout the previous weeks, I felt like some of that enjoyment had been marred. :-(

Something inside of me has broken free.
All the bitterness, the anger, the feelings of rejection are gone.

It's like I've become innocent again.

=)

Praise to the Lord, for nothing is beyond the scope of his grace.

What's all been going on inside my head...


After Wednesday, I feel so transparent on this campus. Like I have nothing to hide, and am out in the open for all to see. Suprisingly, it's a great feeling.

On stumbling blocks.

Stumbling blocks in my life have been many these days. I'm still off and on bitter towards the ex (coupled with still being mad at myself for not listing to the Spirit 6 months sooner), trying to put my thoughts/hopes elsewhere after the other boy. What two other guys have done recently towards close girly friends definitely doesn't help matters. Almost makes me want to walk up to one of the aforementioned guys and try out some of my new techniques. RAWR.

Frightening dreams do not make me want to run to God.

Wow. Have y'll seen the heated discussion about starting a pro-life club on this campus?
-If not, check out :http://mhc.dailyjolt.com/forum/read.html?id=33272

I have to give major props to whomever is trying to start this-- talk about guts and flying in the face of adversary...

Its exactly what this campus could use more of.